Ok, let’s set the scene (and clear up some liberties that the articles have been taking, lmao):
February 2014. I’d just quit my job, was convinced I wasn’t getting into the only grad school I’d applied to, my sleep was complete garbage – up all night, sleeping all day – and I was just… all-around unhappy.
And then my friend from tumblr died. We’d been friendly for about 3 years, and were really similar people: close in age (2 weeks apart), same dry sense of humor, same bitchy streak… even her ex-bf (who I’m still friends with) says that I remind him of her, sometimes almost painfully so. Also, she’d lost over 90 pounds when she was about 17. I always was like, “Well, if she can do it, I can do it. Someday. Not right now though lol that’s too hard. Someday though! Someday.” Aaaaaaaaand then she died really suddenly (not a tragic accident; she wasn’t my “weight loss inspiration” in college; we weren’t super besties; we’d never met in real life. She was a person I considered a friend, we’d interacted almost daily for 3 years, and then she suddenly died very unexpectedly).
And thaaaaaat really threw me. It’s hard when someone you don’t know IRL dies – because they’re gone, yes, but your life doesn’t actually… change a whole lot? Her tumblr went silent, then got deleted, but other than that….it was like nothing had changed. So I was dealing with ‘what am I doing with my life; I can’t get a job; I can’t sleep; I’m depressed’ and then my friend died, and I didn’t know how sad I was *allowed* to be because she was an internet friend – but an internet friend who was like, Alternate Universe Me. It was a lot. I dealt with it by…. cutting layers into my hair (???) and eating.
Then 2 weeks later, I got accepted to grad school really unexpectedly. Part of the acceptance process was being contacted for an interview – I’d never been contacted, so I figured no interview = no acceptance = no grad school for me, and another year of being stuck at home and trying to find work. But I got accepted! And my friend dying + that + how unhappy I was with my life led to me being in the right mindspace to finally change something.
March 6, 2014, I was up until like 4am dicking around on the internet (as per usual) because of my sleep schedule being alllllllll kinds of fucked (there’ll be a post about that to come) and I’d recently gotten into surfing reddit. I was idly scrolling through /r/all when I saw a post about a lady who looked like me – same height, same weight, same body type – who’d lost a ton of weight on this diet called ‘keto,’ which I’d never heard of. I did more research into it and spent the next hour or two reading the keto reddit FAQ page. I decided that fuck it – it was worth a try! I loved bread and nachos, but I was unhappy and wanted to change, and SURPRISE! cutting my hair hadn’t been quite *enough.* I got MyFitnessPal, calculated my macros with the keto calculator, planned out a breakfast, and went to sleep. When I woke up, I stuck with what I’d planned. I told my mom I wanted to go to the store, and got some meat and veggies (lots of zucchini at the beginning). I took it a day at a time, figuring out what I wanted to eat and that fit in my day – which is still how I do it, tbh – and just kept going.
I did give myself a cheat day when I made it to 100 days on keto (I’d lost almost 30 pounds by then, I think?), and it just reinforced how much I liked keto. I got a pizza, oreos, and Mountain Dew Baja Blast – all the shitty carb foods I missed – and they made me feel like garbage. I almost threw up after 1 slice of pizza. It didn’t taste how I remembered. My head hurt. My stomach hurt. The cookies were too sweet, the pizza was doughy and bland. It was so horribly underwhelming that I cried! And then I went right back to keto, because if carbs made me feel like this and didn’t even TASTE good, what was the point? So – back to keto, back to losing weight, and now here I am 2.5 year later.